The Do

What do I do,
when I don’t do,
what I should do?

I could say I hibernate,
I almost do.

Lingering time with
thousands of thoughts

in a never-ending story.

Better to run, to hide,
to be on my own,
when things go wild,
inside.

I think I do.

Hopi, the Cat!

(a rerun from Jan 21, 2019 just because Hopi the cat is so gorgeous)

The three weeks are gone now, and Hopi is back home again. This Saturday my daughter and her family came visiting, we had lunch together and later coffee and cake. Then late afternoon they all left. With cat. And all.

No more mjiaos.
No more purrs.
No more a warm being sleeping on my stomach.
No more kitty talking.

No more hair over it all, including neither in my face nor nose.
No more smelly stuff – poo, pee, food… you know… bad breath?
No more cat litter on the bathroom floor and the hallway carpet

No more another living being in my flat.

I admit! I miss her!
Despite the fact I don’t actually want to have a cat in a small flat like this.
It’s kind of empty.

Colors as saviors

(A rerun from febr 2, 2019)

Some years ago, 2013-14 I think, when I lived through my worst burn-out period and could neither read nor write due to difficulties to concentrate, I was saved by coloring. Coloring instead of writing, let my inner self find a way to express my need to be creative.

Actually, I began having fun with photos already in 2009, but from that time I seem to have destroyed more images than I actually created. A couple of “hits”, but then it was more of a learning period than anything else. Fun yes, so nothing wrong with that, but I seem to have almost nothing left from those early years.

Four, five years later, I hadn’t yet experienced this type of coloring, an app with already drawn images to choose from. Not even any physical coloring book! Instead, I somehow began to use my own photos more frequently, and with them as a base, playing around with overlays, filters and such.

Very amusing it was, and after a while, I found out I was good at it. Well, not the very first trials of course, but soon enough. And I enjoyed it immensely!

Not long after, I happened to be placed at a church, and that led to that I began to make posters for the Sunday sermons. And that task grew to also make folders, adds, brochures and the monthly internal “newspaper”.

It was amazing to see how much the choice of colors, fonts, images etc influence the total. The layout and the interaction between dark and light are utterly important for what the poster, folder etc will say to the viewer. And this work for the church took over some of the time I earlier had spent on making my own images.

Now, I no longer have a church to make posters for, and actually – I don’t miss it! Not that I couldn’t make images in poster-format… I could if I wanted to.

It’s just that I still don’t take many photos! I thought I would, once I came home, but I haven’t! Hopefully, I will again, sooner or later. Instead, during these two years, the coloring has grown on me. And also the apps, have developed into having more sophistic and varied possibilities. So I use these fairly simple drawings, which I color, and then finish with one or more added layers on Pixlr.

And Now?!?

I’m actually considering trying to paint on canvas!

I am considering what?!?!?!?!
I who can’t draw! Not a straight line! Or even less a curved one!!!

But I have three canvases at home, and I have acrylic paint and lots of pencils…

Okay! So it has been on my mind for several years actually. I have tried to paint with watercolors, aquarelle, the technique where you dilute the paint with water to get a paler, more or less transparent look, but that seemed to NOT be my cup of tea. (Oh, these British expressions…) Using watercolor without diluting it with water, seems to be more coherent to me. Painting gouache, in other words. Or with acrylic paint!

I admit!!! I’ve been storing this equipment, paint, pencils, and canvases for several years now – because I’m afraid! It’s so much easier just to take something where the sketch is already made, and just add colors! Clicking on icons on the iPad. EASY! How could my hands obey what my mind tells them when they never have done so in the past?

But just now, I came to think of those short “sketches” we did when I studied writing. Not draw, but write for five minutes or ten, whatever came into one’s mind. Perhaps we had a photo as inspiration, or a random sentence, or a couple of words…

At first, it was terrifying and difficult, the first years actually. But oddly enough! The closer I came to that “brain shut down burn out”, the easier it became for me to just let go in these short training sessions! That was really odd…

It must be the same with painting. I “just” have to relax and let go!

(And I have lately been having fantasies about having an easel standing here in the window corner… )

Reached the goal

Words: 30 184
… and counting – but not on CampWriMo any longer.

I am glad, I restored the goal to 30 000 words.
That is the real Winning!

#CampNaNoWinner2019 – July!

Soon there

I didn’t make it today. Couldn’t write all of the nearly 1700 words that were left. Maybe I had if it hadn’t started burning on one of the balconies here.
Such an exciting life…

BUT! I wrote 955, and have now only 700 words remaining. And I know with what I will begin writing tomorrow!

I see that as very positive!

I guess…

… at least some of you by now have realized I am a nerd.

For one thing! I love testing new themes for blogs. And home pages. I always have! I have been blogging since early 2007, and all the time I have enjoyed testing what I can do with the layout.

Of course, I have been criticized for that! “You can’t change like that! It must look the same all the time! People want to recognize it when they visit you. To ‘know again’!”

Oh! How boring!

But there are others, who realize that this is a part of who I am, and are looking forward even, to what I might have accomplished this time.
New colours! AHHH!
New images! AHHH!
New theme! AHHHHH!

Now I fell for this temptation. It is called “Ladder”, a Premium theme and not new at all. It is a different kind of theme, I have never had anything like this before. I like it, but I also realize it can be a bit hard to read if the featured image is too messy. And it is a bit dark. Not wrong with dark, per se.

The only widget is set on a front page, and I don’t know yet if I want a front page or not. Can we do without widgets? Give me some time to test this! If I don’t like it, I will find something else in a while.

I actually feel quite relaxed, while pottering with themes and images and colours and such. Guess I have always been an “image-person”. Have done a lot of posters, leaflets and so on in a previous life (that is: before retirement). Have made colourful images of my photos, using layers et cetera. I love PIXLR as an editing tool.

I once during an education period, was called “colourful” by the teacher. I wonder where she got that from. I always wear black. Almost always.

Now I just sit here! I tried to take a walk, but it was too warm so I only went to the grocery and back. Came home with eggs and cherries, but forgot the chocolate.

The balcony is now drenched in the sunshine so I have fled to the sofa. And the laptop. Later I will write for CampWriMo, but not quite yet.

Coffee now would be nice.

 

Oooops!

For two days I have been reading all that I have written for CampWriMo/July. AND edited! Not so much deleted anything, well, a little here and there, but instead added texts. Here and there.

I have moved a couple of scenes to other places, and also moved and changed within paragraphs and sentences. As a result of changing, deleting and adding, I have increased the number of words to 28345.

When I saw that, I changed back my goal to 30 000. And since I had felt a bit like I had let myself down when lowering it to 28 000, this felt good! After all! I have 4 days left for writing, and only 1655 words remaining – I will manage and then not have to feel like a quitter any longer.  I did, for a while you know, and I did not like the feeling of it.

I admit, that I do do do want to finish this Camp though. Even more now when I have been working with editing for two days. I will try to complete the goal tomorrow, so I then can focus only on thorough editing.

It is nice to see the story unfolding, and also more clearly see what I now have to focus on. When “vomiting” words, I lose contact with the text. I juggle things and do not remember what happens in the story, or what different characters do. At least that is my experience when it comes to writing. I prefer “my old way”.

But since I without a doubt do write from inspiration, always have, it is very exciting to see what happens, how the story folds out. Often, very often, things and events surprise me. Now I mainly wonder what will happen during the “end-battle”. 😀

You could say, it is almost like walking a tightrope – I never know what will happen, but still hang on up in the blue.